Downsizing the Family Home

The physical downsizing process is by far the most daunting part of making a later-in-life move. These tips and insights should help whether you're the older adult ready to face this task, or whether you're the adult child who has offered to help your parents with their living transition.

Begin in the areas of the house that you are currently not using. Many older adults are still living in the same houses where they raised their families. In most situations, there are areas of the house that are currently not being used, like the upstairs bedrooms, the basement family room or others.

Start the sorting and clearing process in these rooms because it will be least disruptive to everyday life. These areas also often contain lots of items that have not been used in a considerable length of time and that will not be missed when passed on to children, grandchildren, charity or the auction house.

Begin with the large Items in each room and work your way down to the small items. The rationale for this? It's easier to start with furniture and the bigger pieces and you'll feel like you are making some progress. If you start with the small items, you may get overwhelmed and frustrated before you even get started.

Sort the items in each room as follows. Items that you want to keep as you move forward into the later stages of your life (this includes items you are not currently ready to part with or items that you definitely know you will want to move with you to your new home).

Items that will be passed onto family or friends.

• Items that will be sold via a garage sale or auction.
• Items that will be given to charity.
• Items that need to be thrown away.
• Tell your kids that it's time for them to collect the things that they still have stored at your house.
• Allow plenty of flexibility and time for the sorting and downsizing and trust the process.
• Remember that your goal is to simplify your life.

If there are items that you don't have room for at your new place and you still want to keep, don't forget that every community has convenient storage facilities to meet your needs. The rent is inexpensive and allows you more time to consider the items destiny.

How to Get Started

1. Start with the rooms you use the least: In most family homes there are rooms that are not always used on a daily basis, such as guest bedrooms, basements, or living rooms. Start the sorting process in these rooms and avoid cluttering the areas of the home used regularly.
2. Start with large items: In order to feel you are making progress, in each room start with the largest items and move towards the smallest. For example, identify what you will do with the furniture before you start on the knickknacks.
3. Have a sorting system: Sort items by using stickers, making piles, or making detailed lists of what will be kept, what will be given away and to where, and what is still undecided.
4. Write down family history: Take the time to write down special memories or any family history that is connected to special items. This information will be cherished for generations to come and will contribute to the value of family heirlooms.
5. Work in scheduled blocks of time: Plan to sort items for periods of no more than two hours at a time. The process of revisiting memories and making decisions about items you have lived with for many years can be emotionally difficult. You will feel less overwhelmed and make better decisions if you take regular breaks and allow yourself time to digest what is happening.
6. Start early and don’t rush yourself: Be sure to plan plenty of time for the sifting and sorting process. Take moments to laugh at old pictures, read old letters, and grieve for losses. If you can’t decide what to do with an item, set it aside and return to it later. Work at a pace that is comfortable for you and your situation.

What to Do With All This Stuff

1. Keep the items that you treasure the most: Make a list of items you refuse to part with and keep that list in sight as you sort through other possessions. You may need to amend this list as you come across new things but it will remind you that everything is not of equal value.
2. Consider bequeathing items now: Identify those items you want certain family members to have and consider what items you are willing to bequest now. Remember, you may get more pleasure out of seeing your granddaughter enjoy your china at the next family event than knowing she will have it after you are gone.
3. Get rid of things you no longer need: Be realistic about what items you use regularly and what items you are just used to having around. The electric carving knife you use at Thanksgiving may not be as necessary as the toaster oven you use every morning.
4. Consider having a garage sale or home auction: Having enough items that are likely to net a profit (furniture, antiques, electronics) may make the effort of having a garage sale worthwhile. Alternatively, if your possessions are potentially of substantial value, consider holding a home auction. You can often hire a service agency to catalog and appraise your possessions and coordinate a home auction for a percentage of the profit.
5. Donate to charity: For those items you cannot give away as gifts or sell for profit, make a tax deductible donation to charity. Often traditional charity organizations will pick-up donated items. Consider thinking of specific organizations for specific items, for example, donating your professional wardrobe to an abused women’s shelter or employment assistance program; donating books to the local library sale; offering furniture to the Red Cross for fire victims; or giving old instruments to a school music program.
6. Have the kids remove their ?stuff?: Don’t hesitate to tell the adult children it is time to collect their childhood belongings and store their own mementos. Give them a deadline that works with your schedule and warn them that anything leftover will be donated to charity. You may be surprised at how much they decide not to store themselves!

Dividing Things Peacefully

1. Agree on a system: In order to avoid disagreements among adult children and other family members, create a clear system for identifying who gets what. One idea is to assign each family member a colored sticker and identify items accordingly. An alternative is to have family members take turns choosing items they would like to have. In both cases it is good to clearly outline what items are available for the taking.
2. Be sure everyone gets something special: Even though disagreements may still occur, agreeable solutions may be achieved more readily if everyone feels they received something meaningful to them.
3. Encourage negotiation: If disagreements happen despite your efforts, encourage family members to negotiate amongst themselves. Someone may be willing to trade an item with financial worth for something with more sentimental value. If these exchanges occur, be sure not to take offense.

Leaving a family home can be a bittersweet event that involves revisiting many painful and joyful memories. During the process of downsizing we may be surprised at how attached we have become to our possessions and how difficult it might seem to part with them. It is important to remember, however, that it is the relationships in our lives that give us the most pleasure. A life filled with possessions is no competition to a life filled with family, friends, and meaningful connections.